Sometimes BS and Brilliance are the same thing.....A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful pet poodle along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The poodle thinks, "Uh-oh, I’m in deep trouble now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."
This is an old anthem for all married men (do not need to write "unhappy"). Guys, it helped to survive Al Bundy, it should help you too.Who’s that riding in the sun?
Who’s the man with the itchy gun?
Who’s the man who kills for fun?
Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad
He sleeps with a gun but he loves his son
Killed his wife ’cos she weighed a ton. He’s Psycho Dad.
A little touched or so we’re told,
Killed his wife ’cos she had a cold
Might as well she was getting old
Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad, Dad.
If I’d tell you that everything what Joe Monster says is a lie, would it be true? :)
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
What is a "free" gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible...... and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
The speed of time is one-second per second.
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Is Marx’s tomb a communist plot?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.
It’s not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken
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